- a firm decision to do or not to do something.
the quality of being determined or resolute.
I’m guessing you know where I am going with this. As, what can only be described as the most sh*tty year I can remember, draws to a close, my mind turns to what 2017 might have in store and what I can do to make it better than this one. Anything, really. Surely, it can’t get much worse?
I do believe that, to some extent, you make your own luck. You can’t sit back and expect good things to fall in your lap, you have to shake the tree a bit first. Down will come a lot of foliage to fight through, a few rotten apples, but also will fall fruit that is juicy and sweet and whose seeds, when planted, will grow into wonderful things. Excuse that terrible metaphor, but you get the idea. My brain has given up on anything more eloquent for today.
This year has been the year of Brexit, Trump and endless celebrity deaths. It has seen the rise of racism, sexism and hatred and witnessed the endless killing and destruction of Syria and its people. The list could go on and it’s a struggle to glean anything positive. On a personal level, I have separated from my husband and that has had a huge impact personally, financially and geographically. There are silver linings, of course. There have to be, else the world would be too much. We have to cling to the positive, lest it disappears altogether. What’s worse is that I don’t even think I’m being a bit morose, I think I’m just being realistic.
So, 2017. I have some poetry courses lined up and two Paper Swans anthologies to publish. I have plans afoot for Paper Swans. Each year I like to push the boundaries, see what we can achieve; shake things up a bit. My poetry writing is still something I enjoy very much and some recent publications of my work implies I am getting better at it too! I have found myself missing blogging — the ultimate free-writing! I think I miss the informality of blogging and waxing lyrical, so I may well do more of that too. It’s a way off letting off emotional and mental steam. It’s good to talk — even if it’s just to the internet!
I am determined to keep pushing the ‘healthier living’ campaign I set myself in the summer — I’m getting there. There are the inevitable slips, but I have joined a gym (so I am exercising), I am drinking less and eating better food. I can still do more in all of these areas and I fully intend to. I’ve signed up for Dry January and intend to dust off the cookery books and fan my enjoyment of cooking again. I have given up on weight targets as I find them mostly demoralising and I don’t have bathroom scales any more, which is quite a liberating feeling to one who has been a slave to dieting for most of her adult life.
So, no resolutions as such, but a re-think, a positive attitude and some personal goals.
In the meanwhile, there’s Christmas. I’m not sure what to expect and, anyway, I always get ‘the morbs’ at Christmas, for some reason. Somebody recently told me that my expectations of life are too high and, unsurprisingly, I get distraught at its reality. Yeah, a bit. But the dreaming is worth it, on the whole; the possibility, the maybe, the what-if? I think I’d rather believe in something and find out there’s nothing than the other way around. Never was particularly nihilistic.